Things to do in an RPSE Exam

Nothing works better than a good old RPSE exam for stimulating the discussion glands, so I suggest nothing. Fortunately for us, we were blessed with not having to do a full RPSE GCSE, and so were spared the botherment required. Which led us to wonder what it might have been like. Interesting activities would have happened, no doubt, and we would have told you all about them like this:

• Stand up in the middle of the exam and read out all the answers you have, thus making the test useless and having to do it all over again.
• Bring a pilllow, or the full bedding set, and hibernate through the first hour or so, waking up in the last fifteen minutes to scrawl some trash on your paper and hand it in.
• For a question that requires you to express your views in writing, answer in symbol and equation form. It helps if you have spent time revising from a PhD Mathematics book, just to gather some interesting symbols.
• Get your question paper and:
  • Make a paper aeroplane and throw it at something that cares
  • Shred it, piece by noisy piece
  • Bring a DOK item to the exam and wrap it up in your paper.
  • Bring a handheld game and play it with the volume turned up. Even better, bring a rucksack with a small TV and two 12v batteries.
  • Find the largest encyclopedia in the school and bring it into the exam. Try to look as dodgy as you can, concealing it under your shirt, in your armpit etc.
  • For every single question, find a new way of saying that your beliefs prevent you from answering.
  • Ask beforehand if you are allowed to bring a mascot. If they say yes, bring in a snake or something. If they say no, bring in a snake anyway and say it wasn't a mascot. Also, try bringing some enormous ugly idol and periodically pray to it. Sacrifice small animals on your desk and stain your answer paper with the blood.
  • Get up and ask the examiner for another copy of the paper. Say you lost it. Then see how many times you can repeat this.
  • Write the entire essay in superglue or lipstick. Or at least another language.
  • Bring a small arsenal of weaponry to throw at the examiner. When he looks up, be hard at work.
  • Tell the examiner you are ill. If they ask why, tell them it was because you ate the test paper.
  • Ask the examiner if you can move seats - "My chair wobbles" or "I don't like the way the light shines on my paper from here".
  • Answer every question 'true' or 'false'.
  • If it's a multiple choice exam where you have to shade in a little oval, make an additional column and shade that in.
  • Bring a black marker and 'censor' the questions to your liking. Make them ridiculously easy.
  • Make cussing noises and fretful sounds all the way through, then stand up, shout "To HELL with this" and walk out.
  • Beat crazy jungle rhythms on the desk. Try organising a 'desk samba band'.
  • Everybody bring a miniature toolkit and have a competition to see how different you can make your desk look by the end of them exam.
  • Call the examiner over and ask for the answer. If they refuse, say something like "Ha! I thought you were meant to TEACH us!"
  • See how many balloons you can blow up before you get kicked out.
  • Every five minutes, do an organised mexican wave.