OFSTED

To read the OFSTED report of any school, all you have to do is go to www.ofsted.gov.uk and go get it. Simple as that, so it's not as if parents, for example, couldn't go and extract their own bad quotes.

If you can't be bothered to read through the bureaucratic (although not too bad, actually) mess, never mind. It's all a sham, anyway...

Teacher's Survival Tactics

Living amidst nazi corruption like we do, lots of teachers have spent years dreaming up evil ways to extend their reign and fight off Uncle Sack. For example:

• Him known only as 'Martin has given out sheets with questions the inspectors will ask, and the ANSWERS TO THEM!
• Mr Pencil (perhaps) has devised a plan which involves asking the class a question and if the students know the answer, they put up their left hand, and if they don't, they put up their right.
• Cölonel Wilheim has demanded that there be no litter whatsoever, hoping that the inspectors will get an obviously false impression of the real atmosphere of the school. He also asks that we sacrifice precious lesson time to move slower in the corridors, readily admitting that you can expect a DT at the end of it.

As long as pupils don't rebel against these tactics by baitly disobeying them (hehehe), the school should be alright. As long as they don't ask if Jimmé gives a lot of lines.