;AB SCRIPT! YAY!
;by Euclid #lewis irc.quakenet.org

alias ab /say $insaneage($1-)
alias buzz /say $randombuzzword

alias insaneage {
  ; declare some variables
  %newstring = ""
  %entered = $1-
  %counter = 1
  :start
  ; extract a word
  %word = $gettok(%entered,%counter,32)
  ; have we finished yet?
  if (%word == $null ) { goto end }
  ; build up the new phrase, mmm INSANE foo!
  %effect = $rand(1,10)
  if ( %effect == 1 ) { %word = %word $+ age }
  if ( %effect == 2 ) { %word = %word $+ lington }
  if ( %effect == 3 ) { %word = * $+ %word $+ * }
  if ( %effect == 4 ) { %word = $leetspeek(%word) }
  if ( %effect == 5 ) { %word = $leetspeek(%word) }
  if ( %effect == 6 ) { %word = %word $+ $chr(1) $+ $randombuzzword $+ $chr(1) }
  if ( %effect == 7 ) { %word = %word $+ x0r }
  %newstring = %newstring $+ %word $+ $chr(1)
  inc %counter 1
  goto start
  :end
  ; put the spaces back in to our sentence
  %newstring = $replace(%newstring,$chr(1),$chr(32))
  ; clear down any unwanted variables
  unset %entered
  unset %word
  unset %counter
  return %newstring
}

alias leetspeek {
  %thingtochange = $1-
  %newthing = %thingtochange
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,e,3)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,a,4)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,t,T)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,f,ph)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,o,0)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,u,ú)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,i,1)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,cs,x)
  %newthing = $replace(%newthing,ks,x0rz)
  return %newthing
  unset %thingtochange
  unset %newthing
}

alias randombuzzword {
  %ran = $rand(1,15)
  if ( %ran == 1 ) { %buzzword = mathamaticoragology }
  if ( %ran == 2 ) { %buzzword = , which is gayer than Pete's Uncle }
  if ( %ran == 3 ) { %buzzword = (which is gay) }
  if ( %ran == 4 ) { %buzzword = okokok }
  if ( %ran == 5 ) { %buzzword = 0wns j00  }
  if ( %ran == 6 ) { %buzzword = w3rd  }
  if ( %ran == 7 ) { %buzzword = l33t }
  if ( %ran == 8 ) { %buzzword = 8)  }
  if ( %ran == 9 ) { %buzzword = ;)  }
  if ( %ran == 10 ) { %buzzword = :p  }
  if ( %ran == 11 ) { %buzzword = w0rd  }
  if ( %ran == 12 ) { %buzzword = nonono  }
  if ( %ran == 13 ) { %buzzword = scain to lab6  }
  if ( %ran == 14 ) { %buzzword = seenage }
  if ( %ran == 15 ) { %buzzword = (w0rd uP Bi7ch3s) }
  return %buzzword
}