Library Rules

Hey! They have rules here! Observe and absorb...

1. No 11th years in the computer room at lunchtime, unless they're doing revision, which they all are because they're on Study Leave, unless they want to only check emails, in which case they can only use machine 12, unless they've booked a space from last term on a non-drop in machine, unless they want to use a drop in machine which there are none of now unless they have an R in their name. And don't even try us at break.
2. You have to book into the computer room during lessons, but then have to book in and out again if you want to stay there for more than one lesson. You must also give-your-11-digit-library-card-number-what-do-you-mean-you-can't-remember-it? We also ask that you give your tutor group in case a unique reference number such as the above does not tell us exactly who you are. But of course you didn't bother writing the number down anyway, did you? Also, no writing in the 'Comments' column. Breaking this rule may result in extreme forms of death.
3. Please read quietly. Reading out loud will also be punished with death.
4. Any books returned after the due date are subject to a fine. Any books returned on the due time are also subject to a fine, as we cannot distinguish between it being exactly on time and it being late.
5. No - we don't give change.
6. Unless we have any foreign coins we want to get rid of.
7. Do not ask for an education as refusal may offend.
8. No grey clothes. Clothes must be either black or white, as must be the facts portrayed to us. No intermediate opinions, no possibilities, only certainties.
9. No use of telnet, but showing initiative is compulsory, as is utilizing resources to the maximum. No ironic paradoxes.
10. Any use whatsoever of the computers will be regarded as malicious hacking and you will be lectured in an appropriately monosyllabic and half-stuttering way.
11. We reserve the right to let the photocopier eat your cards as interest on unpaid fines.
12. We reserve the right to reserve further rights.