Another creation of Amiga Power, this fictional soft drink was advertised as "F-Max: The Lightly Sparkling Fish Drink" which could almost qualify as being a form of DOK. I wonder how much higher our English grades could have been if we hadn't spent all those lessons discussing F-max spin offs, the best of which are here:
A Tall F-Max is widely regarded to be The Drink Of Champions. When you have won a particularly sweet victory, you are able to stand on a hill (somewhere), sipping F-Max from an extra tall can. These Tall F-Max's come in cans that are slightly thinner than a normal 44cl can, but which are four times taller.
Even taller is the F-Max Yard 'o F-Max. When stuck in a pub surrounded by angry Ped's, nothing amuses the crowds like downing a Yard 'o F-Max.
The tallest one is the F-Max Beat Bar, commonly known as the F-Bar. After beating a Ricky D about the head with your trusty F-Bar, you stand above his decapitated (if you're particularly violent) body, then tug the ring pull from the end of the F-Bar, and choke down the inner contents of the bar.
Finally, and this is the thing Hyoose, M (not the #trout one) will be remembered for forever, is the F-Max... wait for it... Fillet With Fish!
[Take a break and laugh, please]
This is basically a can of foamed F-Max that can be used in almost any situation - cream on a banana split, topping for ice-cream or even heavy duty industrial sealant. In fact, anything can be filled with F-Max Fillet With Fish. The foam is so densely packed that you can fill a room with just one can.
At the other end of the scale, you get the Wide F-Max, which is a 1/4 height can, but 4 times wider. You drink it like you would drink out of a punch bowl. There is no situation you will physically be in that would involve you ever needing one of these.
Back to the Tall F-Max phenomenon, there is the Auto-Tall-F-Max, which is basically as tall as you are, and with a foot pedal. You stand next to it, and the foot pedal opens the ring pull at the top, with a nice "Ksssh" sound!
And if anybody gets that, then they deserve some applause.
Update August 1999: F-Max exists! It was like this... cruising round FoodLand for some food (to eat), I came across the health foods section (and they're big on that kind of stuff in the US), and found nothing less than Cod Liver Oil tablets in effervescent form. To put it simply, you drop these in a glass of water, and have a fizzy, nutritious drink. But what does it taste like? Fish? Surely not! This is funnier than Spam.